The Sun Has Seen Enough

i spoke too soon about fixing my sleep schedule. im back to sleeping at ridiculous hours and waking up when the rest of the world has finished its day. maybe daylight isnt for me anymore. ive tried to make it work, but i don’t think we’re getting along anymore. maybe we will later on. anyway, ive been having a harder time controlling myself lately. my emotions, mostly. anger, fear, jealousy, all of them. i cant seem to keep any of it under control, and its getting irritating. i thought id gotten past this but apparently i didnt. ive changed, for the better, id like to think. i dont miss the person i used to be. i know exactly what im capable of becoming, and i have no interest in going back to that. i wouldnt want to see that version of myself again, let alone become him. but lately it feels like im having to fight myself over the most basic things. i dont know how much longer i can keep doing that.

Theres something i need to do. i might regret it later, but thats a problem for later. id rather deal with that than become someone ive spent so long trying not to be. thats it.

Sincerely, My own worst company.